Into the Unknown

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It is both easy and commonplace to fear that which is unknown. It is a natural feeling in the face of unexpected news or events. It quickly can bring up stress in magnitudes that make even the most simple of daily tasks daunting and impossible. Those around us feel the stress that radiates from our bodies, and anxiety and stress then become an epidemic, with no one operating with full potential. Sound familiar? Certainly does to me.

In the last month I have

  • faced weird health issues due to stress
  • been laid off from a job causing increased stress
  • found multiple new employments
  • had numerous transitions in life as both a professional and as a mother
  • completely panicked over the state of life

These events have allowed me an interesting perspective on stress, but moreso on the adventures of the unknown. While deep in my gut I had an idea a few weeks ago that I might be laid off from my job due to a decrease in clients, what I didn’t have was a backup plan should that actually happen. Which it did. Very suddenly I found myself grappling for answers and evaluating my life, my worth, and my identity in the fact that I was not gainfully employed. It was devastating to me, and yet turned out to be one of the best things that could have happened.

These events triggered the following reactions:

  • anger – pure anger at the unknown
  • determination to figure it out
  • sadness – because it made me feel incapable or inadequate
  • joy – because it allowed me to refocus on my true potential

I was laid off on a Monday which I spent very sad and angry attempting to determine what I could do. Things were thrown, bad words were said, and drinks were had.  By Tuesday I had applied for multiple new jobs in my field. By Wednesday, I had a new job lined up that would be something, until something better was available. I spent the rest of the week catching up on neglected household chores and spending extra time with my kiddos. The next week I started work, had two more interviews, and by Thursday had received a job offer that met the needs of my family and was in my field. Monday I begin a new adventure in a career that I hope will serve me for a long period of time and allow me to provide fully for myself and the kiddos.

These two weeks were the craziest and longest two weeks of inconsistency that I have experienced in a long time. In them I learned that conquering fear and conquering the unknown isn’t about not being afraid, but rather, about never giving up even when the unknown is all you have to walk into.

Conquering the unknown is about remembering a few key points:

  • You are strong enough to make it so never give up
  • You are brave enough to make it so never back down
  • You will never face more than you can truly handle so take that deep breath
  • There will be something better on the other side of the fog

and

  • You are never ever alone in the journey!

Find your tribe of people, your supports, and call on them, lean on them, and let them be there to assist you in your journey, that is why we are there for one another. If you feel that you have no tribe, no one that could possibly understand your life circumstances or needs please know that that tidbit of self-doubt is a lie, to make you believe that you can’t conquer the fog, but YOU CAN! Don’t be afraid to reach out. There are beautiful things on the other side of the fog of unknown, I promise!

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Autumn Time Changes

Well Autumn has arrived in my neck of the woods and I am loving it. It is by far my favorite season. With the Fall breeze, the changing leaves, and the hustle and bustle of life  sets in.

It’s been a great while since I have posted last, as I have allowed life to get in the way and my time management skills. I have lacked slotting in time to focus on writing that isn’t part of my scholarly work. Graduate school is going well thus-far and my biggest obstacle is making quiet time for me to truly focus on my work and put all that I know I am capable into it. I am four weeks in to a twelve week quarter though and so far, so good.

The children are growing up faster than I would like to admit. LM is nearly three and has hit the chaos that goes with that age frame. We have frequent episodes of dramatics, yelling, screaming, overwhelming (for us both) times and she is still being stubborn on potty use but is still working on it. On the flip side to the CRAZY threes (seriously twos have nothing on threes) she is making huge developmental strides. LM’s newest fascination is dressing herself, she loves to change a million times a day all by herself. It isn’t always right side in, or on just right but the concept is growing every day and I am very proud of that fact. She also is attending a play-school taught by a friend of mine twice a week. She is able to play with her friends and do some learning and activities, it has been fantastic for her and she absolutely LOVES it. Her conversational skills are also quite amusing – she is totally 2 1/2 going on 15.

MM is almost 8 months old, which is hard to believe. He has two bottom teeth and is working hard to get the top two to pop in as well. He crawls like a madman and regularly gets mad that he can’t walk like LM can. He wants to get around so badly and do everything. He is still quite the chunk and has a huge amount of personality. He also is still his daddy’s little clone.

I fill my days with child rearing, school work, and spending time with my best friend who is staying with me at the moment. My days are often overwhelming and I find myself needing to take more time to rest and reevaluate than I have in years past. I feel myself reflecting on things differently than I have at previous stages of my life.

As the Autumn air fills my lungs I remember the big things and the little things I must accomplish. I acknowledge the feelings I have for everything going on in my life right now and I center myself in the acceptance of my abilities and the focus of my mood. This journey we are embarking on will not be easy, but it is more than possible.

Been Awhile

Well, I sure dropped off the face of the planet didn’t I? Things have been crazy and chaotic and I just haven’t sat down and dedicated the time to blogging every day or a least a few times a week like I should. Hoping to be able to turn that around.

MM is official already 4 months old and quite the chunk. Nearly 17lbs already. LM is 2.5 years old already and quite the feisty little one. Her brother will soon catch up to her as she is only 27 lbs. SCM is home for now and we are soaking up the summer sun together while he continues to work on his degree and work at the local hospital.

Family 2014

 

So, there is the obligatory update to “get back into the swing” and real posts will follow in a much more timely manner than ever 4 months. 😀 Blessings to all.

Merry Christmas 2013

Christmas day

Merry Christmas to everyone celebrating and Happy Holidays as well. Today was our home family Christmas celebration and it was a great deal of fun and luckily more relaxing because we were all pretty exhausted.

How we all felt Christmas Morning. LOL

How we all felt Christmas Morning. LOL

LM was more excited upon waking up that Doctor Who was on than the fact that there were presents under the Christmas tree but she got the hang of it soon.

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Kipper was lounging in LM’s new play kitchen sink having a good time. When LM pulled the paper off and saw the kitchen she was way more excited that Kipper was there than anything else. She spent the whole afternoon watching Doctor Who and playing with her kitchen and it’s pieces. It was so nice to just relax at home and have our family time. We are truly blessed.

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We haven’t decided quite when we will take the Christmas tree and decorations down (sometime before New Years I am sure but perhaps we will wait until Epiphany) but we did decide that until such time as we do Kipper will remain in a “chill” status. He hangs out in LM’s basket above her kitchen and she plays with him a little bit. When holiday celebrations settle down we will pick a date to take our stuff down and then Kipper will say his goodbyes. I think that will allow LM to get used to him not being as much of a factor in her daily life and we can phase him out until next year.

What a wonderful Christmas season this is and for us as Byzantine Catholics it isn’t over just yet. We start now the 12 days of Christmas as we read readings of holy follows and the journeys that lead to Epiphany, January 6th the visit of the Magi to baby Jesus. For us, the Christmas season ends then.

Blessings to you all.

The Unconventional Family

My family isn’t ordinary, in fact the dynamics of my family I find to be rather extraordinary. My blended family isn’t the typical one many think of, to be sure, it is far from it. While the family that most people see on a regular basis from me is SCM and LM and now the ever growing baby bump, that is far from what my family really is. Beyond the surface is the rest of our family, the first of our family, my birth daughter.

Angel Baby as I have referred to her here a few times is nearly four years old and we see her and her family (her mom, dad, brother, and doggy) a couple times a year and thanks to modern technology stay in touch daily. With the open adoption that we have AB is able to grow up not only knowing where she came from originally and know how much her first family still loves her,  but how grateful *I* am that she has such an amazing family to grow up with. She is also able to see and play with one of her favorite people in the world her “baby shishter” LM which is truly a precious thing to behold. Having the gift to continue to be in AB’s life is truly a blessing, as is the connection that both SCM and I have with her and her family.

This previous weekend (I am so slow at keeping up with this blog it is horrible) AB and her Momma came out to our neck of the woods for a 4 day visit and boy was it a blast. With swim time, sleepovers, play dates, and a big extended family gathering I couldn’t have ask for a better, albeit busy, weekend with my family and I am beyond blessed with what my family is made up of.

I have been ask a few times how I could “give up” my daughter, a term by the way that I loathe, because the truth is I didn’t give her up, I chose a family for her that could, at that point in my life, give her all the things I ever wanted for her. I didn’t lose her I gained a whole other family to add to my own, and that isn’t a sorrowful thing by any means.

And now without further a-do some snapshots of my family on our fantastic gathering!

My girls AB & LM

Me with the girls ❤

The girls and their momma’s.

 

SCM & the girls.

 

AB with her Mom and FIrst Mom. <3<3<3

 

 

Go in Peace, Good & Faithful Servant

There are some people that come into your life and then move forward like a flash, there are some that linger, and there are still others that make a deep and everlasting impression.

My Uncle Edward was one of those people that made a lasting impression. Ed showed more compassion, strength, love, faithfulness and perseverance than anyone I’ve ever known.  Even when there was bad news, or a rough day he always found a positive lurking in it all. He always had a smile, a laugh, and a really corny joke to pass along to all in his path. Though Ed struggled with epilepsy he never let it be an excuse for a bad day, he never complained about it, he bore his burden with the love of Christ and he showed that love to every person he met, no matter who they were.

The cross that he carried in this life, his epilepsy, finally called him home to his Heavenly Father Friday, February 15,2013 after he experienced a seizure and did not awaken from it. Edward was 44 years old.

Ed leaves on earth his parents, brother, sister, countless cousins, nieces, nephews, aunts, and uncles as well as multitudes of friends.

Though he is gone from this world we do not mourn out of fear or uncertainty, for we know that he sits in Heaven assisting at God’s Holy Alter like he always wanted to do, we mourn out of selfish sadness at such a wonderful and awe inspiring man, friend, brother, son, uncle, cousin, nephew no longer being here with us.

Blessed Repose and Eternal Memory Good and Faithful Servant Edward

May the Soul of the Faithfully Departed  Rest in Heavenly Peace.

Uncle Ed

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Big Girl

Little Miss is coming up so every quickly on 14 months and I just can’t believe it. Her words and signing are both increasing rapidly and last night we went out for a “girls night” with some of my friends who are Deaf. It was a fantastic evening and LM signed and played peek-a-boo with a friend.

Peek-a-boo with the Olive Garden napkin

Yesterday we had a “photoshoot” too in her adorable new Carters (yes I may have an addiction) outfit. I never thought I would enjoy buying clothes, let alone tiny ones, but it is very fun.

The time out of the house made me remember how much I miss that part of my life. I miss being engaged and actively having to think and process and be challenged. It’s not to say that I am not challenged at home with LM it’s just not the same kind of challenge. I am learning how to balance it all, slowly though, as well as working on some goals. I am hoping I am able to make as much of all of them as I plan.

After kids what did you start doing for *YOU* time? To keep an active mind?