I have held onto a lot of things in my life and slowly it seems that reality is coming into a much clearer focus. Things that have become crystal clear to me this week.
- The people I really thought were always going to be there, that always used to tell me the truth, that I always thought cared, that I have always cared about, defended, and loved very much, have moved on and could care less.
- My ability to connect and interact with people apparently lacks, as people often stare at me when I communicate like I have multiple heads.
- The small town/area that I live in will always view me as the 8 year old girl I was when I moved here, or based on things they have heard and never for who I really am.
- The people that truly have my back don’t live anywhere near me, and that sucks.
- I have many things that I wish I could do differently in my life but I can’t so I have learned and continue to learn every day how to be a better person, I wish people could see that.
- I am sick and tired of being judged based on how old I look and not who I am.
- I do not see eye-to-eye with many people I thought I used to.
- I am tired of being judged by my emotions (heaven forbid I have them), my weight, my age, my family …
- These realizations are a little painful and saddening to me.
What do all these things mean? Are they all just bitching and moaning?
They mean that I have recognized and identified these things and that I am done. I am done trying so hard with people that don’t care anymore, I am done trying to force a relationship that apparently is gone, I am done babysitting people who can’t get their shit together, I am done doing what I think I should do and not what I want to do, I am done being the “nice guy”, I am done being made to feel badly about who I am, I. Am. Done. So if that is bitching in moaning, so be it.
So, here’s to moving on, to finding the new, to letting go…